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Who wears the pants in our house? Answer: Anyone who can find time to put on pants.

Who wears the pants in our house? Answer: Anyone who can find time to put on pants.

Are the roles defined in your home? Do you have traditional roles? What are traditional roles these days? It’s funny, in my home we just fell into certain roles. Really. One day we had ourselves to worry about, then each other, and then the first kid, and that’s when EVERYTHING really changed. Safety and love and feeding and shelter, that’s provided by both me and my husband. Those are no brainers, but what about the grey areas?


We both work, but I use a home office. I also take care of the baby during the day most days, and most days I pick up the big kids from school or camp, and well, I never cook. I heat things up, but I don’t really cook. Who has the time? I do the laundry because I kind of enjoy it. Weird right? It’s relaxing, and frankly, I’m a bit anal about how things are folded and I’m a good stain remover and folder. I put away said laundry, neatly, and I keeps things straightened up everyday.  I am also THAT parent who deals with the after school freak-outs because of exhaustion and hunger.


My husband, on the other hand, works in an office out of the house. He handles mornings. He gets the kids fed and dressed. He likes cooking, he does that when he’s home in time. He also tucks the kids in at night and deals with the myriad of excuses they use to not go to sleep—bathroom, thirsty, hungry, scared, etc. He handles our 4th child, our dog, most of the time too…and when he’s had it with her begging for treats and attention (poor pup), I give in too. He’ll handle math, all math, I hate math. Did I mention I won’t be doing math homework after elementary school? Um yeah. You get the point.


He deals with car maintenance, I deal with house maintenance (meaning I hire people to help fix things). He handles grocery shopping, I handle clothing shopping. I book the vacation plans, he does the research on wherever we’re going and always finds the best restaurants to try. We take turns taking the kids to the endless stream of birthday parties. And things like loading and unloading the dishwasher and washing and making bottles just get done by whomever has the energy left to get it done.


We never discussed any of this, it just happened. It all sort of fell into place. We rarely complain, we just get sh*t done as parents, professionals and partners. Partner, that’s the thing, we’re partners in the truest sense of the word.


It wasn’t until I got a massive stomach bug this past weekend and he got stuck, and yes my friends, I mean stuck, taking care of three kids, the dog, the house and literally EVERYTHING that I finally realized that we’re nailing this partner thing. We’re constantly exhausted and yeah we bicker from time to time, but we keep it together and accomplish everything every day together. I’ve never been more grateful for this guy because I physically could not do any of my share, and yet my share needed to get done. He never whined, he never stopped, and he never even rested after the stomach bug aftermath.


Here’s the thing, it only matters what works in your house as far as roles are concerned. It’s no one’s business who does what. If it works for your family and you respect each other and take care of each other, it’s all good. And what matters most is that we show our appreciation for each other in words and actions.


I love you Adam…especially because you’re a morning person.


P.S. That photo was from 2005, before marriage, kids and real responsibilities…don’t we look refreshed?


Enough said.

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